ok, i'm officially sick of calling people out..if you want to go out, call me...i'll only call people whom i know actually appreciate me....


and i hate people lying about stuff



but ohwell...i dont need a whole bunch of friends...just a few are good enough




and all these made me do something which i may regret

somehow, i think katy perry is cute...in a weird way


anyways, i think screw the 2 years of waiting and thinking of what i want in a girl....i'm on the up again....and i think i have my mojo back....from a year plus ago....THAT mojo....


game on :D

woohoo...i might be going to visit my aunt in australia alone...which = duty free cigs


anyway, going to ngee ann later for awhile to meet paul then i dunno what i'm gonna do after that..so yea

i feel like writing a song about addiction...hahaha


i'm addicted to green tea
i'm addicted to smoke


but after all this addictions growing stronger,
i don't think it'll make my life longer,
but i don't care what happens today,
i think i'm addicted to you

i've got basically nothing to look forward to in life right now cept for saturday soccer...the only things that've been keeping me company are facebook and football manager and myself....and plus its like if i leave the world now, theres nothing that i'll leave behind at all...but i've been through this phase once and i'm gonna keep going strong...i seriously wonder how i'll be like in 10 years time....and i'm damn worried my thinking has matured too fast....i need to be my age

i've given up calling some people out cos whenever i do they're always busy...no doubt when i see them i'll say hi la but nothing more than that...but anyway, i realised i can actually just like chill alone, go out alone....its quite a good feeling...lets your mind relax...

and i realised my mindset and mentality has changed since last year...i'm more mature now..much more...THIS IS A FACT: i dont look at girls as often now......but thats partly cos i dont want to get into any shit with a girl til after NS so i'm trying my best to just be friends with the girls i meet...


anyway, see ya

i realised that i've been numbing my emotions....which is really really really bad because i've been this emotionless person who can't get hurt...but getting hurt is a good thing...it shows that you're still a human...i'm going to take steps to sort this out...wish me luck

the past week has been crazy in different ways...and countdown to ns enlistment day...

anyways,



every once in a while, you're lucky enough, to meet an unforgettable friend
for me that is you

ok, i admit i've gotten over you already but i miss you...but i know that we've changed alot and i know things will never be the same again...that's why i'm gonna let this just go to history...i know i dont want to see you ever again and i know you don't want to see me too...our lives will be better off this way...actually basically, i just miss your company.


anyway, sorry everyone else for this emo post...i didnt intend to be emo so early in the year but yea....




when we collide, we break

its 2009 already...what a start to the new year

i was like fucking high when it hit 5 minutes after midnight....and i admit i regret doing alot of things i did when i was high and when i woke up i realised my mistakes immediately

anyway, before i got high, it was pretty fun la...this time at eugene's place...uly got high even before i got high...brice got pretty high too....the rest is all history...basically everyone i knew at the party was high..haha

had a long talk with brice before john came and then dan came back then it was like just they talk i stone....but it was a good time to reflect on the past year with all of them

anyway, resolutions for 2009:
1. survive NS
2. do not go back to my old habits and ways and stuff
3. continue with my target of not having a relationship til after NS (this is going to be hard)
 that's basically it cos i can't think of anymore right now and 2009 for me will just be mainly NS the whole year

i'm happy with where i am now and i'm not going back on my words last year and not going back to the friendships or whatever which have broken down



happy new year all!! pics will be up on facebook pretty soon i think

alright, since i've got nothing to do, i'll do a summary of the year since its gonna be a new year in a few days time...shit man...so fast


anyway, this year has been shit for me but i've turned out a much better person...all the stuff happening to me, including friendships, relationships with friends, school...it all made me a better person...i've got a new blog, new friends, new outlook on life and i'm a better person...i can say that i had my lowest point in my life this year and maybe one of the highest as well...to think that i was wondering how long it'll be til i go for ns...i thought it would be another year more...i'm indepent, more confident etc etc...which i think i've explained in my other posts...

but anyway, thanks to these guys who've made me learn and grow this year (in no particular order) :
dean (thanks for just being there for me)
derrick (same as dean..haha)
brice (its cool that we're such good friends now...any problems just give me a call)
spencer (play soccer soon ar...thanks for fm..hahaha)
muz (at least you've been understanding and stuff...and you've been a really really great friend)
chin woo (you thought me how to be independent by myself and helped me realise the bad parts about my character...good luck in your future life!)
selwyn (you thought me how to be independent by myself and helped me realise the bad parts about my character...good luck in your future life!)
yvonne (you thought me how to be independent by myself and helped me realise the bad parts about my character...good luck in your future life!)
deidre (even though you may irritate me sometimes, you're still my bestie :D)
sandra (you thought me how to be independent by myself and helped me realise the bad parts about my character...good luck in your future life!)
amanda (its not nice knowing you but at least i learnt alot from whatever happened...too bad our 'friendship' ended this way but i'm actually glad its finally over and good luck in your future life too)
paul (thanks for being there or at least you offered a listening ear to me...thanks man!)
nadirah (emo times...but you'll get over it)
cardinal avenue (thanks for letting me crash schools with you guys...it was fun)
roy, uly (even though i dont know you guys that well, i'm still glad to make new friends)
invasion guys (thanks for letting me crash schools and for putting my name on the list next year...hahaha)
soccer ppl (thanks for soccer on saturdays! haha) 
feli (thanks for listening to me rant and rant and tahan my ranting..hahaha...i know its alot sometimes)
OH YA...amabel (thanks for being such a good friend...you're really a nice person and one of a kind :D you were there for me when i was at my lowest and i appreciate it alot...hope we'll be good friends for years to come )

i guess thats all that i can remember...and i know there are many others but i just cant recall now, thanks guys, maybe for listening to me rant or other stuffs, thanks :D

and then next up is the 2009 outlook....i've still set my mind on not getting into an official relationship til after ns because i know its hard to maintain one and plus, ns will give me time to think about what i really want in a girl...and i hope that i'll be a better friend for the rest of all you guys out there...

i've lost many friends this year but i've also made new ones...i'm not sore about anything...i've learnt to appreciate what i have...and i'm really not thinking of re-starting any of the friendships i've lost because for some, it's for the better and for others, even though this may sound very stuck up or something, but i'll try to make this sound nice, i've realised i don't need so many friends for company and i'd just need a couple of really good friends...so yea...and you guys know who you are.

heres to a happy 2009...even though for me i doubt it'll be..haha


cheers people!

super duper ultra tired from the past few days....


people whom i've been tlaking to know what i mean...shan't elaborate or maybe i'm just too lazy but basically this la...past few days have been really fun with some drama here and there and lots of smoke


OH...yesterday i only smoked 3 sticks from 7am to 12 midnight...how cool is that....THREE YOU KNOW...but from 1am to 7am i can't remember how much i smoked luh so yea..haha...

ohwell...soccer tmr morning and then shopping :D

the past few days have been great :D....i couldnt have asked for more and plus the coming week will also be real fun...can't wait




i wanna date an amateur model

i'm so happy with my life now...

come to think of it, getting kicked out of school and all the rest of the stuff that happened really helped me alot...i learned to be independent by myself, i learnt to save money, i learnt many other lessons that only life can teach and its not something you learn out of the classroom...if i were still in poly, i would be stuck in that same cycle...heck, i would even have not gotten over amanda...but i can FINALLY say i am over her...i'm freaking glad because it really was not healthy at all...the emotional turmoil and stuff...and if i were still in poly, i wouldn't have moved on with my life...i came out a stronger person...and i can gladly say, that was THE lowest point of my life....i've even cut down on my smoking :D


but its weird now cos i'm like in love with myself...in a good way, as in i'll take care of myself by myself, basically i'm just stronger mentally and emotionally...cool shitz man...i never thought my life would be this good right now...its like i've finally settled all my things, which i gave a deadline to 14 days ago...and i settled it by then...i've got my life sorted out, i've become more confident about myself etc etc...heck it feels damn good...as the saying goes, what doesn't break you makes you stronger...here i am :D:D:D:D:D



anyway, wrote a new song today but i won't be posting it up on myspace too soon cos the recording is like super shitty...but yea..soon soon :D


its called If Ketchup And Chilli Go Well Together...just some random name i came up with but i guess it fits? i dunno..hahaha


the first time i saw you, i made up my mind to
show you the best, time of your life
days went by and i've been thinking of you
and the smile you gave to me

you've been on my mind the whole of this time
and i don't know what i can do
share me your thoughts, and i'll share whats mine
and i'll sing a song to you

if i could fly i'd take you up there
to see the stars looking down on us
and if i could live a thousand years
i'd want to live them with you

cherish these moments, in life they are few
hold them in our hands
live to the fullest, no time for regrets
that's why this song's for you

na na na X dunno how many times

if i could fly i'd take you up there
to see the stars looking down on us
and if i could live a thousand years
i'd want to live them with you


merry christmas everyone...its in about a weeks plus time anyway

i've got a new motto which i saw on tv - keep moving forward...

i think its really true...no point being stuck in the past or memories of the past...cos the only way is forward


and i'm really happy with the way my life has turned out...i can say i've become a better person.

the past few days have been good...long talks...


anyway, i realised i've become more ruthless and selfish....most of the time i do things which would benefit me...but hey, its fine time i did stuff for myself...

i'm just so glad to be a stronger person now.


anyway, new song again...its already up on my myspace so check it out

verse

hey girl, i've been thinking bout it
i've got another one next door waiting for me
you should tell me how you feel now
so maybe i can make a choice somehow

she seems much better than you
i tried to keep our memories in the back of my mind
hold still, while i bring her inside
and maybe you can make it easier to decide

chorus

let's leave
let's free
let's put the memories in the past now
g,c
and move on with our lives

verse

i'll be, thinking of you
in my sleep i hope i'll meet someone so new
and if, you could ever believe
i've thrown you into the back of my mind

so please, if you ever see me
don't come to me and kneel down and cry and plead
maybe, you're far away safe
but nothing can bring you back from my grave


chorus
let's leave
let's free
let's put the memories in the past now
and move on with our lives somehow
g,d
please make this easier baby

bridge

and if you asked me where have i been
and if you came and told me to go back to you
i'll say maybe in your dreams i will
not anymore you can't hold me back


let's leave
let's free
let's put the memories in the past now
and move on with our lives


i guess this is a good way to put a breakup across

i can't wait for tomorrow :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D::D:D:D:D:D



btw, no one knows this but before i joined ngee ann, i wanted to go to either australia or tp and do interior design but then in singapore there's very little oppurtunity for interior designers to make a mark...so i took business, which has a broader job scope...

i realised something on the way home...i'm not in any shape at all for any new relationships...its true...i dont have the emotional capacity or love to give to anyone right now except for myself.


and i realise that though they may be going and brainwashing all the friends i made in ngee ann to hate me, so what? go on and do whatever you're doing...i've changed...i'm no longer the immature boy i was a few months ago...i've grown up and i'm much much stronger now...hate me for all i care...at least i know who my real friends are...and i'm not dumb or blind...i can see it for myself...and i know alot of other stuff are going on behind the scenes, away from me but it doesn't bother me because these are trivial matters...i don't need a huge ass group of friends...all i need is one or two who can tahan me and accept me for who i am...i'll be satisfied with just that...and trust me, i'll take steps to make the friendships even stronger cos i know who my real friends are and who call me just cos they have no one else to call...


all the stuff that happened at that lowest point of my life just made me stronger and i'm glad i overcame that part...i really am happy with myself right now and i guess i've changed for the better i hope

oh yea...and theres one more thing...i hate being at home because i have the worst parents ever...whenever i'm at home, even when i'm still studying in school or whatever, i'm always subjected to verbal abuse...i swear they don't know how to raise kids...look at my siblings...and my mum whenever she is unhappy, she'll make everyone in the house unhappy...but me, most of the time...i have no fucking idea why...and my dad just showers me with verbal abuse...from not being able to study hard to being useless and not being able to find a job next time...HELLO!?!?! I FUCKING KNOW THAT THE SITUATION I'M IN NOW IS SHIT BUT I DON'T NEED THE HELP OF YOU GUYS...I'LL SORT IT OUT MY OWN FUCKING SELF...and the amount of physical abuse i took last time...fuck...i bet he has a fucking wife in fucking china that's why he travels around so much...i seriously can't stand my parents...if i ever get famous next time i'll never credit anything to my parents except for giving birth to me.